We are constantly giving energy and sometimes we make the mistake of thinking that everyone is deserving of our energy. So often we feel weighted by our lives and depleted as individuals because we give so much but don't take the time to replenish ourselves or be replenished by the people around us. I'm guilty of doing this in my life. I felt that it was my responsibility to give to everyone because I associated being the "go to" person as a form of loyalty and being a "good" friend. I'm loyal by nature but sometimes I'm loyal to a fault. As long as I had time and energy to give, I'd willingly give it without question and part of me felt guilty if I did question it.
This behavior would leave me feeling depleted. I'd never ask for or look for anything in return. I was so concerned with filling everybody's cup whether it was with my friendships or in the workplace that I was literally draining myself without thinking about the consequences. Being that I have struggled with anxiety and depression, I assumed the feeling I felt was associated with my mental health. I read a post that said "Stop being the go to person for people you can't go to." Those words stuck with me ever since. It's not that we should do things expecting the same in return because that goes against human nature. Everybody doesn't have the same heart that you do. People have different strengths and let's be honest, our society doesn't teach us a culture of selflessness. Everything is about self gain and sometimes our relationships can turn one-sided. Now as a mother and wife I have to be extra careful with the energy I give. Being a mother and wife requires a big chunk of our energy and if it's not managed correctly we can end up neglecting the ones we love the most or ourselves without realizing it. So I've come up with a concept called "Energy Management". Energy Management is taking control of every aspect of your life and distributing your energy to people/things that are favorable to your mental health and overall well being. Energy Management is also taking inventory of the existing relationships in your life and deciding whether you are "making time"or "doing time".
Making time in a friendship or relationship is choosing quality over quantity. We celebrate romantic relationships and friendships that have been "together" for a long period of time. Real relationships aren't about how long you can be together. It's about how together you can remain throughout the test of time. If quantity is the goal over quality then all you will ever have is time. With this mentality your relationship is a prison sentence and you are literally "doing time". Making time is both parties equally giving to each other to create a lasting bond that will withstand life's obstacles and hardships. It's all about remaining together mentally, spiritually and physically throughout time. Ask yourself are you friends with this person because of the quality of time you've spent or the quantity? Are you friends or with this person by default just because you've done so much time with this person? Let's keep it real, if time wasn't a factor in your relationship would you even like this person or want to be around them? Have either of you grown or benefited from the relationship? Is the energy given mutual? Are you depressed or are you depleted? These are all questions that need to be answered with a simple yes or no.
When it comes to energy management there is no room for excuses. You shouldn't feel imprisoned or obligated in any relationship. Time isn't meant to be feared, it is meant to be cherished. Sometimes we hold on to relationships out of fear or sometimes we hold on to them because we don't want to feel like we've wasted time. One thing about time is that it is only a waste if you consciously know that you are wasting it. Otherwise time is always a lesson or fertilizer for growth. Your energy is yours therefore it is your responsibility to manage and distribute it. Although it doesn't always seem fair, it is also your responsibility to replenish your energy. The people around you can contribute to your replenishment but they shouldn't be the source. Allowing others to be in control of your energy, mental health and/or peace of mind is an unhealthy codependent relationship. Find ways to refill your own cup. Invest in self care and self love. To my Glo Mamas, I know it is hard to find a balance between motherhood and self care. Trust me, this is an every day battle for me but finding passion projects or something as simple as a candle lit shower with your favorite playlist playing in the background can help with your self-rehab.
Don't confuse seasons with cycles. Season are forever changing and they are never identical. You are not in control of seasons and seasons come and go. However cycles are predictable in nature and can only end when change is implemented. Both occur in relationships but cycles of bad habits can also take a toll on your energy management. There will be seasons of drought but they are not lasting. In a relationship this is where it is important that both parties practice energy management so that both of your cups are full. You can afford to give a few drops if the other person is starting to run a little low because you are both individually maintaining your own energy. In a cycle you will never be full because you will constantly have to give to a person or situation that is never going to or is unwilling to change.
Cut ties with people and things that are draining you more than they are recharging you. Sometimes people or things need to be cut off for a reason, some a season and others for a reason for a season. You should feel empowered and inspired by the time spent with others, it shouldn't feel like a prison sentence. Trimming dead ends is freeing and promotes growth. Don't let the length of time stunt your healing or your harvest! Your energy is not free and it is not for everybody! Take control of your energy and distribute it wisely, your mental health and quality of life depends on it.
Keep expanding your Roots!
-AfroGloMama